Thanks a lot Hollywood

Are we ruined by Hollywood and it's stories? I don't think we're ruined, but they sure as hell have me confused. The perceptions we have of how romance is supposed to be is completely corrupted by Hollywood. We're supposed to lock eyes and just know. We're supposed to feel and see fireworks. Yet we say "that only happens in the movies". So when it really happens, why do we let it scare us. How do we know when to fight for it because it's worth it, or not to fight just to fight because high drama is what sells a story. Bboy is a wonderful and amazing person, and even he has said how much he has seen a change in me the past month we've known each other. He says there is this glow about me that he didn't used to see. He knows and understands parts of me that I never even understood. When I'm not with him or talking to him I'm thinking about him and wondering when I'll see him again. When I am with him all I want to do is be near him, touch him, even if it's just our fingers. Yet the mere presence of the past coupled with geographical distance, I'm finding a part of my world crumbling around me. I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm dissapointed. Do I fight for it. But damnit, isn't it supposed to happen if it's supposed to happen?? Is he backing out because it's difficult? Or is he being smart? Or is he backing out at all?? I know this is so incredibly cryptic and completely negative and I'm sorry. But my world has people in it that say they love me and want the best for me, and sometimes I believe them. Yet why are they not genuinely happy for me? Why do they always find the negative, the wrong, the bad, the eventual end? Screw circumstances, screw the past, look and live now. Be happy. Be happy in your life and be happy for me. I just want to scream outloud how much my heart is aching right now because I know what it could be like to be happy, genuinely and beautifully happy. It isn't a perfect happiness, it isn't an easy happiness, but to have that last call of the day; someone who even at the end of their horrible day calls and makes me laugh. I look in the mirror and wonder if it's me; am I making this so incredibly more difficult and confusing on myself? Nah, it's a whole lot easier to blame someone else. And well, I'll just blame Hollywood. I know Hollywood won't take it personally, they aren't holding on to the past, and they certainly won't interfere on purpose. They're just happy if they make me laugh, cry, sing, dance, and sometimes, they make me do it all at once.