I'm a happy girl....

I'm heading to the beach today and will be back on Saturday. One guess who is taking me!!! We've been doing great and I'm so excited to get to spend this time with the boy. And get this; I'll be meeting the mother! Can't wait to come back and tell you all about it, but lot's to do before hitting the road.

So late this afternoon, I'll be sitting on the back porch with an adult beverage looking out to this...........

And this evening I can't wait to snuggle up and watch this......

(Both pictures taken by Bboy from the house!!!)

Summer Reading

I have started reading Pat Conroy's 'South of Broad'. I have loved his other books, especially "Prince of Tides" and "Beach Music". But I wanted to share one passage that I just adored.

"Sometimes a woman needs flowers, Leo. Sometimes she needs a massage, or to hold hands, or to cuddle. Sometimes she needs to call an old friend she hasn't talked to for years, or read a trashy book with a lot of dirt thrown in. Sometimes a woman needs to get laid. Or run a mile, or play three sets of tennis. But then there are nights like this one, nights when a woman needs to get drunk".

Surprise!

Top favorite things from the past two days:

Bboy getting off of work at 11pm on Wednesday and driving through an awful storm to come see me at a moment's notice.

Dancing in the kitchen until 4am listening to every random song we could think of.

Billy Joel's Scenes from and Italian restaurant :)

Traditional hangover at the corner table at Courtney's; my new favorite place to have breakfast.

Snuggling while watching movies.

Late night fabulous conversations with TWF.

Trail running in Umstead Park. I have a new favorite place to run (walk). My entire body is sore. Perhaps because BBoy is a far better athlete than I could ever imagine being, and he definitely pushed me through the whole thing. But it feels great.

Least favorite thing about the past 2 days:
Saying goodbye until...............................

Thanks a lot Hollywood

Are we ruined by Hollywood and it's stories? I don't think we're ruined, but they sure as hell have me confused. The perceptions we have of how romance is supposed to be is completely corrupted by Hollywood. We're supposed to lock eyes and just know. We're supposed to feel and see fireworks. Yet we say "that only happens in the movies". So when it really happens, why do we let it scare us. How do we know when to fight for it because it's worth it, or not to fight just to fight because high drama is what sells a story. Bboy is a wonderful and amazing person, and even he has said how much he has seen a change in me the past month we've known each other. He says there is this glow about me that he didn't used to see. He knows and understands parts of me that I never even understood. When I'm not with him or talking to him I'm thinking about him and wondering when I'll see him again. When I am with him all I want to do is be near him, touch him, even if it's just our fingers. Yet the mere presence of the past coupled with geographical distance, I'm finding a part of my world crumbling around me. I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm dissapointed. Do I fight for it. But damnit, isn't it supposed to happen if it's supposed to happen?? Is he backing out because it's difficult? Or is he being smart? Or is he backing out at all?? I know this is so incredibly cryptic and completely negative and I'm sorry. But my world has people in it that say they love me and want the best for me, and sometimes I believe them. Yet why are they not genuinely happy for me? Why do they always find the negative, the wrong, the bad, the eventual end? Screw circumstances, screw the past, look and live now. Be happy. Be happy in your life and be happy for me. I just want to scream outloud how much my heart is aching right now because I know what it could be like to be happy, genuinely and beautifully happy. It isn't a perfect happiness, it isn't an easy happiness, but to have that last call of the day; someone who even at the end of their horrible day calls and makes me laugh. I look in the mirror and wonder if it's me; am I making this so incredibly more difficult and confusing on myself? Nah, it's a whole lot easier to blame someone else. And well, I'll just blame Hollywood. I know Hollywood won't take it personally, they aren't holding on to the past, and they certainly won't interfere on purpose. They're just happy if they make me laugh, cry, sing, dance, and sometimes, they make me do it all at once.